Nizo: I heard you just came back from Israel and Palestine, did you enjoy your trip?
Jamaican woman: I really enjoyed Bethlehem
Swiss woman: The Church of the Nativity must have been beautiful
Jamaican woman: The people were even more beautiful, and kind and generous. The Palestinians that is... not the other people.
Swiss woman: Oh, you mean, them
Nizo: The Israelis!
Jamaican woman and Swiss woman look around nervously
Jamaican woman: Yes, they are an arrogant people, and the way they treat the Palestinians is a disgrace.
Swiss woman: Well if Hamas didn't push Israel so much, Israel would be kinder to the Palestinians.
Jamaican woman: The Israelis are taking out their anger over the Holocaust at the Palestinians. They cage them like animals. Look at me, I'm black, I don't take out my anger at white people, even if they once owned black slaves.
Nizo: The territories were more open before the bombs were going off in the buses.
Jamaican woman: It's collective punishment! They should just go after the terrorists.
Swiss woman: I heard some areas are turning into South Africa at the time of apartheid
Nizo: Well, the historical circumstances are quite different though, considering all the wars between Israel and her neighbors..
Jamaican woman: No she's right, it's apartheid all over again! I saw it with my own eyes!
------
At this point I realized how silly I looked as a Palestinian defending Israel. Fuck Israel, what have they done for me lately? I'm joining in the fun!
------
Nizo: And we'll never hear about Israel's abuses because the pro-Israel lobby controls the media! and Hollywood! And if you dare criticise them you're branded an anti-semite!
Both women nod emphatically
Thursday, February 26, 2009
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43 comments:
I nod emphatically too.
Safety instructions : Before going to Nizo's blog,
1. Make sure there is no coffee near the computer
2. Make sure that there is no sleeping baby in hearing distance
3. Double-check
4. Make sure that the baby's father is either not asleep or not in hearing distance
5. Answer the neighbour that as far as you can remember, you have not heard any laughter "in the middle of the night"
Note to myself: The day you will finally get your share of world dominance, confide half of it to Nizo.
Funny. I found myself on the flip side of that coin recently when an internet discussion devolved into one of those "All Arabs are terrorists/Islam is a death cult" frenzy. I responded that one should't, "dismiss all Arabs on the basis of Wahhabism, a particularly intolerant branch of Islam. They might have money and power now, thanks to the Saudis, but they do not represent all Arabs or Muslims. As much as I dislike misrepresentations of Jews and Israel, painting all Arabs or Muslims with the same brush isn't helpful. If anything, the conflict would be much easier to resolve if there weren't so many different groups with opposing interests." They ignored me and continued on their rant.
Of course, if those women wanted to see real Israeli arrogance they should have tried getting on a bus in Jerusalem. Mind you, they probably wouldn't notice that most of the drivers are Arab, and the only people told to 'sit at the back' are Jewish women on those damn Mehadrin' buses. Just another normal day...:D
so many levels of tongue-in-cheekness in there. however, like u i am afflicted with the urge to be the devil's advocate to whatever is being said.
"What has Israel done for me lately?" I ask myself the same question every day. The best answer I come up with, time after time, is: TOMATOES!
This engenders all manner of anecdote about perching with a map on the corner of King George V in Jerusalem and nice Jewish women coming up and offering to give directions -- till I looked up with my decidedly Anglo-Celtic face, when they rushed madly off in all directions.
And taxi drivers noting that my then-girlfriend was obviously Jewish and pointing out (thank you!) that our children would of course be Jewish.
But more to the point, our overnighting in a Palestinian Christian gal's hostel in Old Jerusalem among a flock of American Jewish kids who were vying with each other as to whose Mum (actually they said it "Maugham" -- Somerset Maugham?) made the better gefilte fish.
We of course identified wholly with Alice, the Palestinian Xian gal who was our hostess: we went off every morning at 5:00 a.m. to find the holy sites before the perfidious tourists got there, and Alice would say, "Say a prayer for me, won't you?" We are not prayerful people but we gladly agreed to do so. My own Mum when she heard this story observed, "I have been a pillar of the church for nigh on 50 years and haven't been moved to say a real prayer in all that time, but this would have moved me to do so!"
But here was the thing. I had contracted infectious hepatitis in Afghanistan during the Russian invasion. I was on the mend, but a recovering liver engenders acutely foul flatulence. My inamorata was game, but the sweet American Jewish boys and girls in Alice's hostel in Old Jerusalem were wholly unable to cope. "Oh Evan, there is a terrible smell in here!"
Times come and go and we have had our issues over the decades, but "Oh Evan, there is a terrible smell in here!" still gets us rolling in the aisles.
Meanwhile -- this may amuse you -- I have an ingenuous, indeed pathologically naive, Pakistani-Canadian boy under my roof for a few days while his student housing gets organised. He has competently got himself into all manner of social clubs at the University of Queensland, which involve swimming and showering. He observes, "My God! Australians are entirely weird but in one respect they are like us Canadians: they are NONE of them circumcised! I want my foreskin back!"
Uch!!
I am not looking forward to my eldest going to University. When I was doing my Masters, I remember they were having some yearly action against apartheid. I knew that we would be next when that issue was "solved". Funny how South Africa is still a violent hell hole. On a positive note though, it is a hell hole without apartheid ;-)
Defending Israel on accuracy-of-discourse grounds will get you nowhere.
Bashing Israel, however, might get you into some Swiss or Jamaican pants - Right on!
Anon2
Well, trying to see things in a more nuanced way is always good. But have you ever heard an Israeli (with exception of leading intellectuals and left wing journalist)defending the palestinians? I haven't.....The Apartheid reference is a bit unfair, since Israel is, at the end of the day, a democracy. That means that people like Amira Hass is still writing their articles instead of rotting in jail....
However if things keep going this way, it might just become one.
Helen in London
Anonymous said...
Well, trying to see things in a more nuanced way is always good. But have you ever heard an Israeli (with exception of leading intellectuals and left wing journalist)defending the palestinians? I haven't....
I believe that until a couple of years ago Nizo was posting only on such blogs. In fact, this is where I met him for the first time, on Chamsa :D :D
Also I don't know what's happening right now in the blogsphere, but at that time peace blogs were outnumbering other Israeli blogs in English. I would not say it's so hard to find them, in particular given that Nizo seems to still have some in his links :D :D
"peace blogs"? You mean like the one that's called "happy arab news service"?:D
Well, I guess I haven't been looking hard enought then. The only Israeli blog I've found that had been against this war,and therefore qualifying as pro peace, is "on the face". I'm sure there's more, I just haven't seen them.
Helen
Helen
You are so massively clueless, that I am absolutely not surprised. Believe me, this is not the worst of your many delusions
:D :D
Nobody said
"Nizo seems to still have some in his links "
as a regular reader I never understood nizo's links, he links to (leftards as Karen called them) people he makes fun of quite often. Another link I don't understand is circumcised beauty, which turns out to show women with many male members in their faces. How that relates to his blog needs to be explained.
as a regular reader I never understood nizo's links, he links to (leftards as Karen called them) people he makes fun of quite often.
Nizo makes fun of just about everybody :D :D. This is not the point at all
Massively clueless huh? Sometimes I like your straightforwardness, sometimes I'd wish you were more hypocritical... I was just commenting that Nizo's links are both right wing (such as your blog the happy arab,) and left wing, aka as peace blogs.
Well, "Lurker," calling leftist "lefttards" is actually more embarrassing to the author of such epithets...It's like those that insist on calling Hamas Ham-ass...enormously witty...
Helen
Sorry Helen, but I am not embarrassed at all by the comment I made. I am more embarrassed for you and how easily you attack people with opposing views. People like you just try to shut down conversation instead of engaging in it and it can be quite exasperating for those of us who are more reasonable. I guess that's what being a so-called leftist and so-called peace activist is all about; shouting down everyone else, being violent, labeling democracies and their leaders as Nazis and Hitler. Talk about hypocrisy.
But have you ever heard an Israeli (with exception of leading intellectuals and left wing journalist)defending the palestinians?
I'm sure there's a silent plurality of Palestinians who are willing to live with a Jewish state. Or at least stop Palestinian efforts as a society to destroy said state. Or augment those efforts with bona fide state-building.
These are good, honest people. Some of them are admirable, like Nizo, and I wish them all the best in life.
This is a message from an Israeli who is not left-wing, a journalist or much of an intellectual.
This is a message from an Israeli who is not left-wing, a journalist or much of an intellectual.
No, this is not what she is looking for. She means people like Judith from the Occupied. Or at least Lisa.
Karen, I've never labelled Israelis as nazist, and I haven't been violent since I was 10 and pulled another girl's hair.(but she started it)Regardless if I'm trying to shout down people (I don't) To call people "leftards" is a pretty effective way of shutting down discussion. I wouln't say you're more reasonable than I am.
Thank you Aviv, for proving me wrong.:) Have a nice wekeend. I'm going to try to cure my hangover now. Bye.
Helen in London
Karen, I've never labelled Israelis as nazist, and I haven't been violent since I was 10 and pulled another girl's hair.(but she started it)Regardless if I'm trying to shout down people, (I don't see it that way, but ok) to call people "leftards" is a pretty effective way of shutting down discussion. I wouln't say you're more reasonable than I am.
Thank you Aviv, for proving me wrong.:) Have a nice wekeend. I'm going to try to cure my hangover now. Bye.
Helen in London
Rigo,
Watch out before the Jewish Elders add you to their list of anti-semites.
Anonymous,
Glad you're so entertained, I should start charging people
Morey,
On the Wahhabi note not representing Islam, I would add that the Levant was never really Islamic to start with.. even the Shiites were just nominally so until the latter half of the Lebanese civil war and the ascendance of Iran. This religiosity business is all rather recent.
FT,
It's because you're a lawyer..
Savta,
Well, they better be good, they used to be ours.
Masalai,
You could be the 2nd most important natural gas exporter after Qatar.
Karen,
Perhaps you've noticed the 1001 ads on TV for South Africa.. the country is trying to promote itself for the next FIFA cup (soccer).. Either way, their wine is fabulous (2 oceans)
Anon2,
Not much room left in either pants.. thunder thighs... X 2
Helen,
My question to the Israelis is, if we were to behave, would they just leave the WB&G and dismantle their settlements? I'm not so sure of the answer, we were good boys and girls between 1967 and the late 80's intifada, and they didn't seem to want to leave us alone..
Aviv,
The silent majority of Palestinians are tired of conflict.. if we stop trying to undo your state, it's not out of recognition but rather out of pragmatism. On the state building I'm behind you 100%..
Nobody,
I think you're missing your friend al-ghaliboon too much, you won't find him in Helen.. we need to find you a Hizbullah recruit looking for martyrdom.
Lurker,
Circumcised beauty is one of my favourite blogs, the owner, "circumcised.aussie" works very hard to collect photos of nude, circumcised men. I have a lot of respect for his work ethic.
Nobody,
I think you're missing your friend al-ghaliboon too much, you won't find him in Helen.. we need to find you a Hizbullah recruit looking for martyrdom.
I think AG went the way of his brother, I did not see him anywhere for a long time.
My question to the Israelis is, if we were to behave, would they just leave the WB&G and dismantle their settlements? I'm not so sure of the answer, we were good boys and girls between 1967 and the late 80's intifada, and they didn't seem to want to leave us alone..
To leave the WB/Gaza was the idea of Oslo and anyway right now how well the Palestinians can behave is pretty much irrelevant. It may be quiet now in the WB but this means nothing for the future. If Israel decides to pull out from the WB, it should be for internal or international reasons.
In case a deal is achieved in the WB the Lebanese and others would immediately take advantage of this to kick out refugees from their camps infested with global Jihadists and other shit. Just imagine a few hundreds of thousands of people coming to the WB. It basically means taking something like Ein al Hilwe as it is and bringing it here. On their arrival these people will either restart the conflict or plunge the PA into another civil war.
I have already incurred the wrath of one or two non-powerful (not very smart) Jews on my own Nizo..Still I say bring them on! I will suffocate all of them with my foreskin!
p.s. I would like to clarify to those elders that I am not an anti-semite...Some of my ex-best friends were Jews! :-)
Nizo wrote: "Morey,
On the Wahhabi note not representing Islam, I would add that the Levant was never really Islamic to start with.. even the Shiites were just nominally so until the latter half of the Lebanese civil war and the ascendance of Iran. This religiosity business is all rather recent."
Agreed. I was watching some archival film recently of Palestine pre-1948. There were probably no Arabs anywhere as modern-looking (and I assume philosophically too) as the Palestinians (more so the Christians than the Moslems, for myriad reasons) This, of course, was a major objection of Amin el-Husseini, the infamous Grand Mufti, who recognized the Jews as purveyors of modernity, as demonstrated by this statement: “… They [i.e. the Jews] have also spread here their customs and usages which are opposed to our religion and to our whole way of life. The Jewish girls who run around in shorts demoralize our youth by their mere presence.”
If he thought it was bad then, imagine what he'd think of Tel Aviv's beaches today ;)
Interesting post, Nobody.
"Internal and International reasons" What does that mean? You talking about the demographic boom?
I can only understand you as that you're hoping that there will be no agreement,no palesitinan state, no peace because you're afraid that all the refugees from Lebanon come to the westbank? Am I right?
Helen in London
Helen
You are always somehow succeeding to understand just the opposite of what people intend to say. Basically what I am saying is that Israel should get out of the WB, or at least evacuate the settlements for all kinds of internal reasons, but not for the sake of peace. It's very obvious to me that the most probable outcome of any Israeli disengagement from the WB would be another war, just as it happened in Lebanon and Gaza.
And I am not talking about any demographic boom. What I am saying is that from a moment the WB passes to full control of the PA, the PA would be unable to deny Palestinian refugees in Lebanon and elsewhere the right of return to the WB. Right now Israel is doing it for the PA. But from a moment PA gets control of the WB, the same Lebanese will kick out all of their refugees out of the country. And we are talking about people who spent decades in sub human conditions, were massacred on a scale compared to which the last Israeli operation in Gaza is like a walk in a park. This is an extremely estranged and radicalized population, very different from the Palestinians living in the WB. On a good sunny day in Israeli prisons they don't mix people from Gaza with those from the WB. In fact even if you put people from different areas of the WB they have a tendency to start feuding with each other. Arabs can manufacture civil wars out of absolutely nothing, out of thin air. Let alone when you mix such different populations. Never mind that the camps are packed with jihadists and rejectionists of all kinds. Bringing these people to the WB will start another round of the conflict.
And this is only one of many factors that make any peaceful outcome of Israeli disengagement from the WB highly unlikely. But as i said there are other reasons why Israel should go forward with the disengagement.
The silent majority of Palestinians are tired of conflict.. if we stop trying to undo your state, it's not out of recognition but rather out of pragmatism.
Israelis are tired too. By parallel, pragmatism alone stood behind disengagement.
Hi Nizo,
No, I actually didn't notice the adds. I don't watch too much T.V. Others in the house already occupy all the T.V's. and we only have basic cable.
What I did notice, however, is that our liquor control board moved Israeli wines next to the South African wines (sometime in the last year or two). Why?! Is it a quality thing or something more sinister ;-)
I won't buy South African wines. I like to buy Canadian, American, Italian and Israeli wines only. They represent the different nationalities of my family and are countries that I like and want to support with my money.
Hi Karen,
Can you recommend a good Italian? Last night I bought a 2005 merlot and it tasted like diluted grape juice..
Hi,
Here are some Italian reds and one white that my husband likes. ( I find Italian reds strong, he doesn't)
1) Serego Alighieri (Possessioni Rosso 2003-Masi)
2) Ruffino (Chianti)
3) Santa Margherita (Pinot Grigio)
4) He says Sangiovese wines are good and so are Chianti wines
I like Bolla's Pinot Grigio too. It's Italan. Pinot Grigios or Pinot Gris are nice tasting white wines (like the Naked Grape I told you about).
If you want a really cheap Italian red that is okay, try a Farnese.
Have a nice rest of your day. I am off to start my busy day. Ciao!!
thanks Karen, I woke up one morning only to realize that 50% of my friends are middle-aged women on the cusp of menopause who love nothing better than lounging about and imbibing bottle upon bottle of vino...I need an arsenal of good wines to sedate them while I lecture them about the dangers of excessive salad dressing use.
You should be lecturing your peri-menopausal friends about the dangers of alcohol. Even one drink a day greatly increases a woman's chances of getting breast cancer. Pretty sad isn't it?!
Hmm, I don't know Nizo, this Apartheid label is so 2002 and the Jewish Lobby is so 2005/6. Today it's more like Gaza Holocaust and Gaza concentration camp. You better link to indymedia so you can keep up to date on the lexicon.
-Ellie
Nizo,
You cannot equate Israel to Apartheid because Israel is so much worse. It's been a while since I have lost the count of all the Genocides and Holocausts commited by the Israelis and I can count pretty well.
I would love to verify correlation between belief in "Israel=Apartheid" formula and one's IQ. Suspect the cut-off point is around 80. Could save us all so much time.
Nizo....
Just found your blog...I am impressed and entertained...Excellent work...you must be part raccoon or something.
Hey, love your blog (your post and your comments). Shalom!
Nizo,
My bad. But a pay button or something would be a good idea, indeed. Your blog is a most needed source of sanity. Especially for people who are surrounded by 'Swiss women'.
anonymous with the checklist
I favour the two state solution:
-Transfer all settlers from the West Bank to Gaza.
-Let all non-fundamentalist Palestinians who don't want to live with Hamas and settlers move to Israel or the West Bank. They could live in the abandoned settlements if they wanted.
-Seal off Gaza and watch the settlers and Hamas fight it out while everyone else gets on with their lives!
http://www.mererhetoric.com/archives/11275571.html US-Funded Racist "Palestinian-Islamic" Apartheid Government Will Execute Man Who Sold Land To Enemy Religion
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No, this is REAL APARTHEID, this is not the usual buzz word of that "ficticious" apartheid slur on pluralistic democratic Israel, where its 20-25% Arabs are not only equal citizents but are often treated in preferencial treatment OVER Israeli Jws, such as in: court cases, in Hebron land issues and standards in the universities as "affirmative action", not to mention the unfairness of Israeli Arabs NOT serving in the military yet having the same rights as Israeli Jews...
---
And those racist Arabs dare to shout "apartheid"???
Anonymous,
When a Jew buys lands in the PA it automatically becomes a foothold for Israeli expansion into the West Bank, which is already criss-crossed by settlements and by-pass roads etc. That's how many Arab neighbourhoods were infiltrated with the aim of their domination if not complete take-over. You need to see these things within the context of the 100-year+ conflict. Your comment shows that you're either ignorant or disingenuous. I'll let you pick your label.
On the subject of service in the IDF, those who do serve get all kinds of benefits, not to mention (job) opportunities open to them.
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